


More Than A Memory

by Fangirlism_is_cool



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Reichenbach, Reunion, mostly text fic, till the last chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 10:19:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1343926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlism_is_cool/pseuds/Fangirlism_is_cool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John texts a number he thought was dead.... only to get a reply.</p><p>"I can prove it. SH</p><p>Don't even.... JW</p><p>How? JW</p><p>What would prove it to you? SH</p><p>That you were actually Sherlock? Oh, I don't know, maybe not being fucking dead and knocking on the door and then barging in with milk. That ought to do it!! JW</p><p>Well, I can't quite do that just yet. SH"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The day I first met you, you asked Afghanistan or Iraq. I can honestly say, I think that might have been the moment I fell in love with you, Sherlock Holmes. It just took for me seeing a snipers mark on your head to realise. I told you to run.... Why didn’t you run? But we both survived. Amazingly. And we lived to see some more interesting cases. The woman, the Hound..... And then you had to ruin it all, you had to go and fucking jump. You ruined my life. Yours may have ended but I was the one who has to live without you now. You have no idea, no idea at all how much it takes every day for me not to follow you. But this..... this is my last note to you Sherlock. I can’t live like this anymore, I can’t waste my life waiting for a miracle that can never happen. By rights I should have stopped texting this number a year ago, but this is the last time I’ll message this number. It’s just too painful and I can’t do it anymore. Maybe one day I’ll heal enough to think of you without the hole in my heart twisting in pain. But until then, goodbye. And I love you. JW

[delayed] You always said you weren't gay. SH

Oh come on, really?? Can't you vultures just leave me alone to grieve in peace?! I don't know how you got this number and frankly, I don't fucking care. Just... leave me alone and stop pretending to be a dead man. JW

John. SH

It's Sherlock, you idiot. SH

Yes, John Watson, former flatmate to Sherlock Holmes. Common fucking knowledge. You are not Sherlock. He's dead. As much as I wish it wasn't so, I saw it happen. So fuck off. JW

I can prove it. SH

Don't even.... JW

How? JW

What would prove it to you? SH

That you were actually Sherlock? Oh, I don't know, maybe not being fucking dead and knocking on the door and then barging in with milk. That ought to do it!! JW

Well, I can't quite do that just yet. SH

I don't want to endanger you anymore than I have. SH

Would a picture or a video suffice? I'll say exactly what you ask me to. SH

Ok fine. Send me a video saying, I, Sherlock Holmes, am a complete tool and don't deserve a best friend like John Watson. Then I'll believe you're not some arsehole content on making my life even more miserable. JW

[6274.mov] SH

I added in the reciprocal romantic sentiment and the apology as well. I hope you don't mind. SH

...... Sherlock? I don't- I can't.... I don't understand. Where the hell have you been?! What have you been doing?! A fucking year Sherlock! And don't you start with a fucking video apology. You can come home and grovel and be thankful I don't kick your arse! JW

I can't come home yet, John. SH

Why not? Please. I need you. JW

Moriarty was going to murder you if I didn't jump. SH

And Mrs Hudson and Lestrade as well, but you were the real reason I did it. SH

I need you to trust me. SH

So you jumped to.... save my life? But why couldn't you tell me afterwards? I could have come with you. I trust you to the ends of the Earth.... I'm just ridiculously pissed off and hurt you didn't tell me. JW

There was a man with a gun aimed at your head and if I didn't jump, he would have pulled the trigger. I had to do what was best for you, what was safest. SH  
I can't be selfish. SH

I'm sorry. For any pain I've caused. SH

Can't I be the selfish one for once?! Can't I get to have you home so I can hate you and love you at the same time. JW

John, I want to, more than anything, believe me. But it isn't safe yet. And if you think living without me is hard, try living without you. It's bloody rubbish. SH

Fuck you. You know something Sherlock, it may have been rubbish for you but at least you knew I was alive. I thought my best friend, the man I love was dead. Gone forever. So don't you dare tell me how bad it was for you because nothing, NOTHING is as bad as watching you die. JW

[delayed] Try not being able to contact the one person you care about. Try knowing you can likely never contact that person again, even though he's alive, because it would risk his safety and well-being. SH

What I did wasn't easy, John. But I couldn't lose you. So yes, now I live knowing you're safe and I can't see you again. But I know you're better off. SH

Wait... what do you mean you can’t see me again? You're coming back right? I know you said not right now, but in the future.... You can't keep me away from you. JW

John, it's for the best. SH

You can't stay away! Now I know you're alive, there is no power on Earth that can stop me from finding you. As long as you're out there and not with me, I will be searching. You wanted to keep me safe? The safest thing for me right now is to have you home JW

And then what? You want to get married and have a family, John. I can't give you that. I can't promise something like this won't happen again. I can't promise you anything but an unpredictable life. SH

I want any life I can have with you. I like the unpredictability. I like what we have. I don't care about children, I can live without them. I can't live without you. Please don't make me. JW

Please just do me a favour. SH

Unless it involves kissing you to death when you open the door, no. JW

Move on. Find someone who can give you everything and won't make life difficult for you. You deserve that, John. SH

I can't. JW

You haven't tried, and you can. SH

Please Sherlock, don't make me. I can't live without you. Please come home, back to me please! I need you, I'm a mess without you. And.... you need me. Just as much. I don't care what you think I may deserve, it isn't what I want. What I want is you. JW

I have to go now, John. Be safe. SH

No!! Don't go! Please don't go! Not now I know you're there! Please Sherlock. JW

Sherlock..... JW

[no response]

Please. JW

[no response]

Don't leave me here alone again. JW

I need you. JW

[no response]

If you won't come to me, I'll come to you. JW

You haven't a clue where to find me. SH

I don't care. I- I'll talk to Mycroft or something, I don't care. My place is with you. JW

Your place is in London, saving patients. SH

No. I quit the surgery, I couldn't deal with..... people. So I reiterate; my place is with you. So you can come to me, or I can come to you. I will never stop looking for you Sherlock. JW

Why? SH

Because I love you. And I can't be without you. This last year has been hell, and I never want to go through it again. If I sit here and do nothing, I will remain miserable. If I search for you, I may still be alone, but I'll have a purpose. JW

[delayed] Manchester. SH

Manchester. I'm leaving for the station now. Please still be there when I get there. JW

And you call me insufferable. SH

Shut up. Idiot. You are insufferable. Well, you were. I don't how you are now, but I plan on having forever to discover any changes. JW

And what makes you think I'll be agreeable to that? SH

Because I'm the only person who'll put up with you for that amount of time. JW

And you love me. JW

[delayed] Irrelevant. SH

Hardly irrelevant, you git. It's everything. All I ever could have dreamed of. God I sound a right soppy bastard. JW

It's rather nauseating. SH

And making me instantly regret telling you anything. SH

Don't say that. I'll keep the sappiness to a minimum. I'm just ridiculously glad you're back. JW

And what makes you think this should result in a relationship? Surely you realize I don't possess the necessary skills. SH

I don't care. I'll take whatever I can get. Whether that's a relationship, a kiss now and again, or just as it was before. I don't care. I just want you back. JW

...Fine. SH

Please don't be so abrupt. You know what I want. What do you want? JW

I'm fine, John. SH

No, you're not. And you didn't answer my question. JW

I said I'm fine. SH

And I don't believe you. JW

If you ask me again, I can guarantee I'll be very far from here by the time you arrive. SH

Fine, ok. I'm sorry. I just.... I want you to be able to open up to me. JW

I did and it resulted in you completely ignoring my wishes. SH

Oh. Right. You wanted me to stay at Baker Street and never see you again. Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do it. Just.... let me see you again. Let me spend some time with you, like it never happened. And if you still want to never see me again, I'll leave and won't bother you again. JW

I watched you date a slew of other people for two years, and now, because I've been away, you suddenly feel the urgency to be with me? Do you understand the implication there? SH

Just tell me one thing. The train is here in 3 minutes. Tell me you don't want me to get on it, that you don't want to see me and I'll go back to Baker Street. JW

I want you to go back to Baker Street. SH

I- ok. I guess... I guess you don't want to see me. Sorry. I thought maybe... Never mind. Ok. Well, I guess I'll leave you to it then. I can't promise to stop looking for you, but I'll leave you now. Just- I love you ok. I know all those times I said I wasn't gay. I'm not. It's just you. It's only ever been you. I love you. JW

[delayed] Have a nice life, Dr. Watson. SH

I- Goodbye, Mr Holmes. JW


	2. Chapter 2

If you get on that train, I can't guarantee whether or not I'll be here. But I suppose we all take gambles. SH

[delayed] I- I got on the train. I had to make a decision. I wanted to do as you asked but I.... I needed to know if.... I don't know if you'll even be there -you never even told me were 'there' is- but at least I can say I tried. JW

You expected me to just pick up and forget about the past year. Throw it all to waste because you were feeling lonely and desperate. What did you honestly expect, John? SH  
I didn't expect anything Sherlock. Yes, I was lonely, yes I was desperate. But that's all down to you. You're the one who left, who died. I'm sorry I forced your hand, but I was truthful. I would have done everything in my power to find you again. JW

I don't need someone to chase after me, John. SH

I left for one purpose and one purpose only, and that was to ensure your safety. If something happens to you, then the entire year we both spent in mourning will have been for naught. SH

Then let me come with you, wherever you're going. I can be safe with you, I've always felt safe with you, no matter how many times I've been shot at. I'd rather spend another 6 months with you, than live another 40 years without you. JW

I won’t be able to protect you John. The whole point of my leaving was to keep you safe. You’re the only person I care enough about in this world to do this for. SH

I don’t need you to protect me. I was a soldier. Besides, we always looked after each other. I can help you. JW

I tried so hard to stay away from you. I tried to ignore all the texts you sent over the year. But then you said you loved me and I never dreamed that I could be worthy of that. And I replied. I put you in danger. I’m not safe John, don’t you see? Sentiment makes you weak, it’s a fault found in the losing side and I simply cannot afford to be weak. SH

You’re wrong you know. Sentiment is beautiful. If you love someone, it makes you strong. It makes you want to keep someone safe. When I think of you, I think of how I would kill for you in a heartbeat if you asked me too. I make you tea, I write up your cases, I make sure you eat and sleep because of sentiment. As far as I care, doing these things for you is what I hope to be doing all my life. JW

John, you can’t. Until I get rid of Moriarty’s network, you’re not safe. I will not have you harmed because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. SH

I’m so glad you didn’t. This is the best thing that has happened to me all year. I know you wish I wasn’t coming to you, but I am, and I don’t regret it. Let me see you, let me spend some time with you. If then you want me to go back to London, I will, but you can’t cut off all contact again. JW

[Delayed] If I see you now, I don’t know if I would be able to let you go. SH

Then don’t. JW

I’m not safe. SH

I don’t care. JW

Since when do I care about how safe something is? Would I have been running around with you for 2 years if I cared about ‘safe’? JW

[Delayed] I can’t give you what you want. SH

You can give me you, that’s all I want. JW

You’re not going to let up are you? SH

Glad you’re finally seeing that. JW

Insufferable. SH

You love me. JW

Not the point. SH

You know, I’ll never tire of knowing that. I’ll wake up every morning and think ‘oh, Sherlock loves me’. And I’ll be happy for the rest of the day. JW

You’re getting soppy again. SH

Sorry. I’ll stop. JW

The train is just pulling into the station.... Where am I going? JW

Sherlock? JW

Where am I going? I’m off the train. JW

I know. I see you. SH


	3. Chapter 3

John let out a small gasp as he read his most recent text. Gripping his phone tight, his eyes searched the packed station for any sign of the iconic black curls and sharp cheekbones. As the station slowly emptied, John felt his heart sinking. Maybe he didn’t show up after all. A cough from behind him sent John twirling around, only to be faced with a face he never thought he’d see again. He was skinnier than John had ever seen him. Bizarrely, he was also wearing baggy blue jeans, a ‘Panic!At the Disco’ hoodie and had short curls dyed blonde. 

“What the hell are you wearing?”

He didn’t mean to say it. He meant to say hello, or, I love you, or possibly even punch him. Sherlock grimaced and plucked distastefully at the too big hoodie. 

“I’m in disguise. Even a year later, I’m still being talked about,” he pulled a face. “It’s maddening.”

John stared at his best friend, a sad smile playing on his lips. Even though it was the same Sherlock, he was somehow different. There was a pain in his eyes that hadn’t been there before, a hardness in his facial expression that spoke a thousand words. John picked apart every new blemish and scar he could see. He may not have been a consulting detective, but he was a doctor and he knew what caused scars like those.

“Oh Sherlock” whispered John, tears clouding his eyes, before he launched himself at Sherlock and wrapped his arms around his waist. Burying his face in Sherlock’s chest, John let the tears fall. All the emotions he had kept bottled up; they all came rushing out all at once. When John felt long arms surround him, and a cheek rest on his head, it only caused more tears. This was real. Sherlock was here, alive. He didn’t know how long he cried for, only that the platform was empty of both people and trains when he finally looked up. 

“I missed you so much” said John, wiping his hand over his eyes to wipe away the remaining tears, a futile attempt as the redness of his eyes showed he’d been crying. He raised a hand and caught a stray curl that had fallen into Sherlocks face. Sherlock closed his eyes and leant into the touch, so John cupped his cheek, brushing his thumb across.

“I missed you too” replied Sherlock, his eyes still closed. “I’m sorry John, I- I did what I had to do to keep you safe-”

“I know, it’s ok. I forgive you,” murmured John, before closing the distance between them and connecting his lips to Sherlocks. It was better than he imagined it would be. Sherlock’s lips were soft and pliant beneath his own, tasting faintly of coffee and something distinctly Sherlock. A broken, needy sound escaped from Sherlock’s throat and he pulled John closer to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly, unwilling to let go. He wanted to climb into John, to sleep beneath his skin. He wanted to never be apart from his blogger again. Sherlock pulled away from the kiss and rested their foreheads together, but kept John pulled flush against him.

“I told myself I would be strong enough to send you back to Baker Street, where you’d be safe” whispered Sherlock, his breath ghosting across John’s lips. “But I’m not. Now you’re here, I can’t bear to be parted from you again. You make me a better person, I’m the best I can be when I’m with you.”

“Then don’t ask me to go” replied John. “I will go wherever you go. My place is by your side. You told me once that you weren’t a hero. That’s not true. You were my hero. You saved me from certain doom and if you think I’m abandoning you now, think again.” 

And with that, John fiercely pushed their lips together once more revelling in the fact that he could do this. His dreams were like dull bronze compared to the sparkling diamond of the reality. Neither of them could say how long they kissed for, but neither of them cared. 

“Let’s go back to my hotel room” said Sherlock after they finally broke apart, lips swollen and kiss bruised. “It’s warmer there and-” he hesitated. “And I need to inform you of my movements over the last year and what the plan is now.”

Beaming, John laced his fingers with Sherlock’s and pressed a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. Within a minute, they were on the street and in a cab. Even in Manchester, Sherlock had an uncanny ability to summon a cab from thin air.


End file.
